Regardless of whether your gym has an Olympic-size pool, it’s sure to have a great dating pool. And let’s face it: Unless you go there to sit outside the trampoline classes and stare at the leotarded (in which case … eww), you are at your buffest and best there. So don’t blow it with an opening line that’s so lame she shoots you down before you get anywhere near the part about her joining you for a smoothie and a protein bar.

Here are five common gym scenarios where you may find yourself weight belt to sports bra with a hot gymette. Follow this workout, and you might just meet a woman on your first set:

Location:

Stretching mats

Worst line:

“Wow, I see you’re really flexible. Are you a dancer?”

She thinks:

“‘Flexible?’ I know where your dirty mind is going with that, you perv.”

Best line:

“You seem like you know what you’re doing. Got any suggestions to stretch my hamstrings? They’re killing me – they’re so tight.”

The logic:

The second question seems more legitimate.

Location:

Water fountain

Worst line:

“Hey, leave some for the rest of us!”

She thinks:

“Wow, jerk. I’ve only heard that 50 million times.”

Best line:

“I swear, they really do manage to keep the water nice and cold here.”

The logic:

The first doesn’t leave her any way to respond if she does want to talk to you. The second one could be a conversation starter, plus it’s something everyone who’s parched might actually be thinking. (Of course, if the water’s a bit warm, you can comment on that instead -- though you might come across as a bit of a whiner.)

Location:

Free weights

Worst line:

“Need some help? You should hold it from this angle.”

She thinks:

“Just because I’m a girl using free weights, you assume I need help? You could use some help with your approach, tool.”

Best line:

“Damn -- 20 pounds. Not bad!”

The logic:

At last, an honest compliment from one fellow gym rat to another. That you noticed makes her feel strong.

Location:

The weights (machine or free). The situation: resting between sets

Worst line:

“I love this song,” referring to the music playing. Alternative: “Who’s winning?” referring to the game on TV.

She thinks:

“I’m wearing an iPod, dummy. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Best line:

“Do you mind if I work in?”

The logic:

This is the only direct question that makes any sense here. Any other directive breaks the gym cardinal rule, “Thou shalt never interrupt someone’s flow with an irrelevant question” (unless she’s screaming, “Drop dead, ref!” at the TV -- then, by all means, comment on the score).

Location:

At the bikes, treadmill, Stairmaster or elliptical

Worst line:

“Can I buy you a drink when we get there?”

She thinks:

“Aren’t you the same guy who used that stupid water fountain line before?”

Best line:

“Ugh cardio, it always feels so good to get it over with.”

The logic:

It doesn’t mean you love or hate cardio; it’s just a general feeling about how good it feels to be able to check it off your list. If she wants to add to your comment, she can; otherwise, you give her the out of just panting and nodding yes in agreement.

In case you haven’t figured it out after all this, when it comes to meeting women at the gym, the best lines don’t make a girl feel trapped -- or obligated to answer you. They also let you save face in case her boyfriend is the huge power lifter giving you the evil eye across the room.

My current situation:

About to embark on a weeklong international trip, where I’ll have little or no Web or cell access.

My dilemma:

My to-do list is shorter than it was yesterday, but there’s one thing I’ve yet to cross off: finishing this article. Oh, the irony.

I’ve always envied the organizational habits of friends who can leave for a vacation without spending as many hours preparing for their absence as they plan to spend being absent. Determined to master their secrets, I sought the counsel of some organizational pros, the sort of folks who always have perfectly sharpened pencils on their desks and impeccably labeled files in their cabinets.

Get Organized -- For Good

Peggy Duncan, a personal productivity expert based in Atlanta says the key to enjoying a holiday without leaving mayhem behind is to be organized all year round. “For people who work stressed out every day and then go on vacation for a week, the break will not do them any good.”

Even for those who are able to put work out of mind before a trip, Duncan is not hopeful about what they will encounter on their return: “They’ll have to deal with the week of chaos that built up because of how disorganized they are.”

Stay in Touch

John Trosko, a professional organizer based in Los Angeles, offered some (metaphorical) adhesive bandages. He says he urges people to maintain at least some contact with the office while they’re away. “How really unplugged from work do you need to be?” he asks. “When I was a production coordinator for Walt Disney Animation Studios, I had a coronary every time I went on vacation. Now, with our smartphones and laptops, it just feels a little easier.”

Give Access, Get Automated

Even for those who prefer to be “off-grid” while they’re gone, Trosko offers these bits of advice:

1. Delegate to a good team.

   If within your control, have a good team in place to fulfill time-sensitive responsibilities while you’re away. And make sure outsiders know who to call for assistance with urgent queries.

2. Share important documents

   with those who’ll need to access them via tools such as Google Docs or SharePoint.

3. Allow an assistant to access your email

   while you’re gone so spam and non-important messages can be deleted before you return.

4. Set up an auto response

   using keywords so that any emails pertaining to ongoing but mundane situations can be handled automatically.

5. If your office is a mess, clean it.

   Typically operate using the excavating-though-a-large-desk-pile system? Ask yourself whether it’ll be as “logical” for others who might need to pitch in while you’re gone. Don’t count on your colleagues to be able to find everything they need all on their own. Before leaving, put all important items in one area -- ideally in a binder -- for easy access.

Hit the Return Key

And what about maintaining your sanity (and relaxation) post-vacation? Duncan has these pointers:

1. Spend one day in the office the weekend before you’re due back at work.

   It’s worth giving up a day on your weekend so you can come back more calm. Just treat yourself to something special when you finish getting caught up.

2. Schedule no meetings

   the first two days after your return.

3. Arrive extra early

   -- before most of your associates arrive in the office -- on your first day back to work.

“I’ve systemized my business,” explains Duncan, who is also the author of The Time Management Memory Jogger. “Because I work smart all the time, I don’t ever feel like I have to take a break.”

I don’t know whether I’ll ever achieve Duncan’s level of Zen, but the good news -- at least for now -- is, I’ve still got a few hours to get to the airport, and this story is done. Even better, I now know how to make my next vacation a stress-free one before, during and after.

Sure, all board sports require quick reaction time. And you’ll need to get the hang of good balance before you can hang ten. But you’ll also need power and a good deal of stamina if you want to be a standout in the water. To get those, there are certain exercises you’ll need to do beforehand.

Whether you ride the surf on a long board or prefer to ride the waves behind a high-powered ski boat, just master this workout, and you’ll be chairman of the boards.

Exercise 1: Shoulder Carry

The training tool:

A heavy bag (aka punching bag) from the gym -- or a bag of mulch, sand or any other large object you can shoulder and walk/run with.

The move:

Find an open space (like a parking lot or driveway). Squat down, hoist the heavy bag (or bag of mulch, sand, etc.) onto one shoulder and simply walk forward 20 to 30 yards. Then, set the bag down, turn around, hoist it back up onto the opposite shoulder and return to your starting point. That’s one full rep. Go for six to 10 reps, resting just 30 seconds between reps. Add speed or weight when possible.

But why?

With traditional gym exercises, you typically lift, pump or press weights evenly on both sides of your body. (For example, when you do bicep curls, you lift a 25-pound dumbbell with your right arm while lifting another 25-pound dumbbell with your left arm). But when you’re board-sporting, waves don’t necessarily hit you evenly: At any given moment, you might have to deploy only the muscles on one side of your body to keep your balance on a surfboard. Doing this asymmetrically loaded exercise will help your core develop the ability to handle just about any wave the ocean throws at you while also increasing your stamina. Plus, this is a total body exercise -- meaning, you need less time to train than if you worked each muscle or muscle group individually.

Exercise 2: The Slosh-pipe Hold

The training tool:

For about $20, you can build your own top-notch training tool. Go to your local hardware store and pick up a 10-foot length of 4-inch diameter schedule 40 PVC pipe. Also get an end cap and a threaded cleanout. (If you don’t know much about plumbing materials, just ask.) You’ll also need a small can of PVC adhesive to hold it all together.

The move:

By filling the pipe about one-third to half full with water (thanks to the threaded cleanout fitting, you can adjust the amount at will), you’ll have a total weight of roughly 40 to 50 pounds. Not a big deal when held vertically. The real trick is keeping it level when cradling it horizontally, across the front of your chest, with both arms while standing. As soon as you think you’ve mastered the simple standing-hold described above, try breaking into your board/ski stance and see what you’re made of. Build up to 12 to 15 reps up to a minute each (with a minute between attempts), and there ain’t a wave going to break you down.

But why?

With all that water flying back and forth over a 10-foot track of pipe, you won’t have time to wonder, “Are those my obliques or my rectus abdominis working?” The answer is you’re going to have to hang on with everything you’ve got from the ground up. The very nature of the pipe exercise (water sloshing back and forth unpredictably) means no two workouts will be the same -- forcing your body to adapt to the erratic forces of water nature. So when that rogue wave comes along, you’ll be able to react quickly and have the muscle power to do so.

Exercise 3: Renegade Row

The training tool:

You’ll need one dumbbell, a little bit of floor space and a whole lot of muscle.

The move:

If you’re familiar with the yoga-style “plank,” it’s like that (only much more manly with the addition of the row). With the dumbbell on the floor, get in the top position of a push-up with a slightly wider-than-shoulder-width foot stance. Now grab the dumbbell with one hand and pull your elbow toward the ceiling, bringing the weight next to the bottom of your rib cage -- all while resisting the gravitationally motivated urge to twist, bend or contort your body toward the floor. Do two to three sets (per side), with eight to 12 reps. Rest 60 to 90 seconds between sets.

But why?

This routine challenges core strength and stability at a much higher intensity than any sit-up or crunch ever could. Core strength and stability, as you now know, are essential to maintaining balance on the boards and the planks!

The Summer Olympics may come only once every four years, but the (tiki) torch lighting of your own Beach Olympics can happen any time -- as long as you’ve got sand, water, a volleyball net, a plastic flying disc and that age-old desire to pummel your buddies in contests of strength and stamina.

“Competing in events and being out on the beach brings out the inner athlete in everyone,” says Michelle Knight, co-owner of Adventures by the Sea, a Monterey, Calif.-based adventure-planning outfit.

Organizing tip No. 1: Limit your olympiad to a couple of hours at most so energy won’t drop and tempers won’t rise. Tip No. 2: Plan the individual events carefully.

“Choose games that will really appeal to everyone and match your group’s fitness level,” says Cynthia Shon, president of Bay Area, Calif.-based Corporate Games, an organization that helps companies foster team building among employees. “Remember that running around on sand is not easy.”

The events below -- picked by our dream team of athletic contest-organizing experts -- should ease your burden. And heck, most of these will work in a grassy park if there’s no beach around. What to use for gold medals is up to you.

Beach Volleyball
This is the one must-do contest in any Beach Olympics. Anyone who’s ever taken gym class already knows how to play. And thanks to the sand, taking a heroic dive for the ball will make you look like a stud without scraping or bruising. Traditional volleyball rules work great, but if you’ve got eight or more people, Kevin Vander Vliet, owner of Team Building California suggests this variation: Create four teams and set up four nets connecting at 90-degree angles in the center. (So the nets form an X.) If the ball’s served to you, you can hit it across to any of the other three teams. Normal rules for serves and point scoring apply. “It’s a lot of fun because if you have one team that’s really good, the others can gang up to beat them,” says Vander Vliet.
Official rules: Volleyball.com/rules.aspx

Sand Ultimate
This is another easy-to-organize, fun-to-play favorite. But when you’re on sand, the going is too slow for people to be sprinting all around the playing area, like in typical Ultimate. So Shon applies slightly different rules. “We mark off assigned boxes where one person from each team stays. That way there’s less running but people are still diving for the frisbee,” she says.
Official rules: UltimateHandbook.com

Flying Disc Golf
It’s adaptable to the terrain of just about any beach and easy to set up. If you’re using teams, then play by “scramble” rules like in real golf. Here’s how it goes: Everyone tees off. Choose whose throw on your team was the best, and then you and all your teammates take your second shot from where that disc landed. Repeat until reaching the end of the hole. “There’s great team interaction. There are always some people who have rarely, if ever, thrown a frisbee, and the other team members really get into teaching and helping them,” says Knight.
Official rules: Pdga.com/rules

Tug of War
This one needs little explaining. You can buy a thick rope made especially for the sport at FlagHouse.com. If you’re really ambitious, you can dig a shallow “pit of shame” for the losers to fall into.

Balloon Launch
A surprise favorite among the experts, chosen because it involves strength, aim and luck -- and requires the kind of open space a beach provides. You’ll need a three-person balloon launcher. (There’s one available at Amazon.com.) Then, instead of the hassle of filling up balloons, use foam balls (available at sporting goods stores) and soak them in water before you shoot. Points can be scored based on distance or for hitting specific targets.

Relay Race
This is the grueling grand finale -- much of what’s in it will be based on your imagination, as well as the terrain, size and crowdedness of the beach.

As part of the relay, you can have a kayak race, a fill-the-bucket-with-water event using only your hands, a three-legged race in the water, a beach chair obstacle course or a combat crawl through the sand (maybe under a fishnet).

Vander Vliet recommends you include elements that involve brains over brawn as part of the relay, like a jigsaw puzzle that the team has to complete before advancing (very “Survivor”-esque, no?). “Putting in mental elements is an equalizer if one team is better physically than the other,” he says.

One team challenge that combines both the physical and mental aspects is a paper plate minefield. Blindfold one person per team, and have his teammates verbally guide him around the plates, from one end of the minefield to the other. If he steps on one, he starts over. The options are limitless.
Official rules: Wikipedia.org

If you think an ordinary 5,000-meter race is kind of boring, just add water. And dirt. Then throw in a few military-style obstacles for good measure, and you’ve got a mud run. It’s part serious, grueling athletic competition, and part excuse for thousands of people to act like kindergarteners. Mud runs are booming in popularity, and popping up in different forms -- and degrees of difficulty -- around the country. 

“It’s slower to run in than a road race. And a lot messier. So you don’t care about time, you just compare yourself to how your friends do,” says Jim Gallivan, who entered the Merrell Down and Dirty Mud Run outside Los Angeles this spring, wearing a Beetlejuice costume -- complete with white makeup. (He won a prize for it, by the way.)

Gallivan was one of 3,000 competitors in the sold-out event, which is part of a series of Down and Dirty races -- all in their first year of existence -- being held in four cities in 2010. Another brand-new set of races is the Tough Mudder, which considers itself more punishing than the rest. It doesn’t keep track of entrants’ times, because the goal is just to finish. It’s organizing four events this year and 11 (including an overall championship) next year.

Both the Down and Dirty and Tough Mudder owe their startup success to the granddaddy of mud runs: the Columbia Muddy Buddy Ride and Run Series, created in 1999 and drawing more than 40,000 entrants for its 18 annual competitions. It’s the least intense of the three. “We try to make our competitions as user-friendly as possible. We want just about anybody to be able to do this,” says Bob Babbitt, the Muddy Buddy founder.

Here’s a rundown of each series -- what each event involves and what’s expected of you:

Columbia Muddy Buddy Ride and Run

(Muddy-buddy.competitor.com)

Fitness level:

All levels

Competitors per team:

2

Equipment:

One bike per team, running shoes

The competition:

Each team completes a 6- to 7-mile course that has five obstacles (like crawling on a cargo net, scaling a low wall or crossing a set of monkey bars). Team member No. 1 rides the bike on the dirt course while Team member 2 runs it, until they reach and complete the first obstacle. The team members then switch running and riding duties. The final challenge before reaching the finish line is to crawl through a massive mud bog. If you can run 3 miles in an hour, you can physically compete in this race.

Average race time:

One hour

Costumes:

Optional

Benefits:

Challenged Athletes Foundation

Merrell Down and Dirty National Mud Run Series

(DownAndDirtyMudRun.com)

Fitness level:

Able to handle a 5K or 10K race

Competitors per team:

One

Equipment:

Running shoes

The competition:

The Down and Dirty is essentially a mud-filled, obstacle-strewn trail-running race. You can compete on the 5K or 10K course. You might find yourself scaling a mountain of hay bales, doing the combat crawl under a cargo net or using a rope to climb a wall -- and definitely ending the race by dragging yourself through the mud. The race is geared toward anyone in decent shape, but prep with cardio work and core strength training.

Average race time:

About an hour for the 10K and 45 minutes for the 5K

Costumes:

Encouraged but optional

Benefits:

Operation Gratitude

 

Tough Mudder

(ToughMudder.com)

Fitness level:

Excellent physical condition required

Competitors per team:

You can compete as an individual or within a team of any size

Equipment:

Running shoes, leather gloves (for ropes events), a swim cap

The competition:

A gauntlet of 17 obstacles designed by British Special Forces is placed along a grueling, hilly 7-mile route. You’re very likely to confront a cargo-net climb, underwater tunnels, stream crossings, an obstacle course of flaming straw bales, steep hill ascents and mud. Tough Mudder offers a 17-exercise training program (including a sprint workout, shoulder press, decline push-ups, chin-ups and squats) on its website so you’ll have the proper strength and stamina for the race and its obstacles.

Average race time:

2 hours and 30 minutes

Costumes:

Encouraged but optional; free head-shaving is supplied on-site for the Best Mullet contest during post-race bash

Benefits:

Wounded Warrior Project