Sports mascots have set ’stache-sporting records for decades. Yep, we’re talking about those psychotically smiling guys with heads big enough to require their own weather systems, who stalk the sidelines in support of your favorite teams. We asked Lana DeDoncker, senior stylist for New York City’s Downtown Magazine, to tell us which macho mustaches are worth emulating, and how to get the look if you’ve got the spirit.

Bernie Brewer (Milwaukee Brewers)

Here’s a guy who anybody would want to get behind … especially when he whips down a slide behind the outfield wall into a pool of Pabst Blue Ribbon whenever a Milwaukee Brewer bangs one into the bleachers. His blond handlebar brush suggests a blue-collar man’s man who puts his heart and soul into giving hard-working Americans an old-fashioned good time. Says Lana … “Obviously, this is an exaggerated characterization of the American ideal of a working man. The mustache is beyond cartoonish, but you can imagine it being modeled on that of a broad-shouldered brewer of the early 20th century. If you’re looking to emulate a look, that’s not a bad one to shoot for -- he looks like a young Robert Redford as the Sundance Kid. To achieve it, simply grow your mustache as thick and as far out beyond your lip line on either side of your mouth as possible. Make sure to groom around it; if the rest of your face is cleanly shaved, it’ll emphasize the impressive size of the ’stache itself. Then use a little mustache wax to brush the ends so they extend from your cheeks. Not too much, though. This is supposed to look mean and natural.”

Mr. Redlegs (Cincinnati Reds)

The reigning Mustache Monarch in all of sports, this guy has a baseball head the size of a medicine ball and a mustache to match. A popular ESPN commercial spot about a network mustache contest pits the Big Red Machine mascot against Cincinnati’s reigning National League MVP Joey Votto and broadcaster John Ravetch. When Ravetch and Mr. Redlegs go nose-to-nose in an uncomfortable men’s room confrontation (is there any other kind?), Ravetch’s threat -- “You’re going down!" -- sounds as empty as the brains of the cast of “Jersey Shore.” Says Lana … “The only way to measure this mustache is to compare it to the wingspan on a stealth bomber. But the look, of course, is an outsized version of a very cool style favored by ballplayers in both the 19th and 20th centuries. To approximate it, you’ll need to dampen your ’stache and comb it flat with a small mustache brush. Your strokes should start out in the middle and fan out to the ends. After rinsing your brush, apply mustache wax to it and stroke your mustache with the same motion, ensuring that the wax permeates all the bristles. When you’re done, squeeze a little wax onto your fingertips and twist the ends up in an upward and outward motion so that they point to the sky and give you that Wyatt Earp look that kept Kevin Costner up to his chaps in chicks in the mid-’90s.”

Pistol Pete (Oklahoma State University Cowboys)

The gun-slinging sidekick of the OSU Cowboys has a waxed-out ’stache with thin turned-up ends, allowing for evil finger-twisting opportunities not seen since Snidely Whiplash was lashing Dudley Do-Right’s dame to the train tracks every Saturday morning. Sadly, Pete had his pants pulled down -- or, more accurately, his mustache yanked off -- by a rival mascot at a game between OSU and Utah State a couple of years back. We were treated to one of the best mascot brawls on the books, but when Pete’s brush was revealed to be fake, it effectively shot his reputation to hell. Says Lana … “Pete put up a noble fight to preserve his school’s honor, but after he was stripped of his ’stache, he became a cowboy exposed as being full of bull. If you want to replicate this cheesy look anyway, just head to any costume store with $1.99 for a brush that wraps around your mug with a rubber band. Not where you want to be, boys.”

Viktor the Viking (Minnesota Vikings)

If you’re seeking that special Lord of Asgard look, this is your man, er, god. Modeled after a Norse warrior, this dude sweats more testosterone than an MMA pay-per-view event. He also offers an axe and shield as key talking points to anybody who might want to publicly doubt his total dudeness. Says Lana (a little weak-kneed) … “This guy is more macho than the entire Marine Corps. If you can grow a ’stache this … virile … here’s how to keep it in shape. First, you’ll want to trim it down to a controllable level with a pair of grooming scissors: To do so, dampen the hairs with water and comb down. Working from the middle out and continuing to comb the strays down before each clip, use a small pair of mustache scissors to snip across the bottom of the mustache for a smooth, even line. Then do the same to the outer edges of the top down to the outer edges on the chin for distinct parameters. Now that you have your outline, you can trim the bulk of the inner mustache. Don’t cut too much at first! This will allow you to judge how short you want to go. You can always cut more, but you can’t put anything back. Now comb through it once more to root out any hairs you might have missed and snip them off. You’re done, Olaf! It’s time to growl into the mirror, grab your axe and head out for a glamorous evening sacking the town!”

All Photo Credits: Getty Images

You’re sitting across the table from a girl who’s so hot even you can’t believe she agreed to go out with you. Things are going well ... that is, until you slip your hand beneath the table to graze her leg and find your fingers tangled in the forest of her straggly, overgrown leg hair.

Horrified? Fair enough. But have you ever considered how she might respond to your unkempt underbrush? In the interest of fairness, we asked our no-holds-barred Men’s Life Today Girl Panel™ to share their real feelings about your head-to-toe topiary. We think you’ll find the results enlightening.

Samantha, 21	Danielle, 23	Veronica, 24	Stacey, 24	Stella, 24	Natalia, 25

Chest Fur
“Unless you’re a professional swimmer and must rid yourself of all body hair, there is no excuse for taking it off. I like a hairy chest. Nothing too insane, though. I’m trying to date within my species.” -- Veronica

“Very curly chest hair is not attractive.” -- Samantha

“Trimming to make it less ‘mountain man’ is OK -- but straight razor-shaving is not.” -- Stacey

Untamed Tummy
“No garden, please. I like to find the bellybutton. Keep hair the same length as the chest so it looks uniform.” -- Stacey

“If hair consumes the stomach to the point that we don’t know what he’s hiding under there, I say it’s time to trim, boys! Put the clippers to work. Show me what you’re working with. Let me see those abs!” -- Danielle

“A ‘happy trail’ never fails.” -- Stella

Plush Pits
“No girl wants to see a ’fro magically appear every time you lift your arms, so keep it short.” -- Stella

“You Tarzan, me Jane. All men should have armpit hair, but I can’t imagine it ever being a deal-breaker if someone doesn’t.” -- Danielle

 “Just shower.” -- Stacey

Fuzzy Forearms
“You should always have hair here -- unless people are mistaking you for Teen Wolf, in which case I would recommend you make some changes.” -- Danielle

“Do not shave your arms. Ever. In the words of Liz Lemon of “30 Rock,” ‘That’s a deal-breaker, ladies.’ As long as I can still see some actual arm, it’s not a problem.” -- Veronica

Back Blanket
“Ew. Do whatever it takes to make it all disappear!” -- Danielle

“Back hair is gross and unattractive.” -- Samantha

“Back hair is never -- I repeat, never -- sexy. If it looks like a bear rug is peeking out from behind your collar, please take it off. All of it.” -- Stella

“A hairy back beats bacne, I guess.” -- Natalia

Below-the-belt Brush
“If you expect me to maintain, don’t think you can slack off. Clean it up a little, but be wary of stubble if your lady friend keeps it bare below the belt. It could cause some uncomfortable stubble burn.” -- Veronica

“If you cut an inch, you can ‘grow’ an inch ... if you know what I mean.” -- Stacey

“If it’s a jungle down there, let’s just be friends.” -- Danielle

Long-haired Legs
“Hair? Yes, please. Let it be.” -- Stacey

“If you’re a woolly mammoth everywhere else, the legs are the last thing you have to worry about.” -- Natalia

“I’m the only one that’s supposed to be smooth!” -- Danielle

“They better be hairy, or I’ll wake up and think I’m spooning my best friend.” -- Veronica

Bottom Line:
“Be comfortable in your own hairy/hairless skin. Some ladies like a hairy man, some like it less so. But trust me; we aren’t climbing in bed with you because your armpit hair is perfectly groomed or because we can see our reflection in your waxed chest. If you ever end up dating a girl that makes specific body-grooming requests, she isn’t worth your time.” --Veronica

“Try to strike a balance between rugged and delicate: Give me some neat, well-groomed body hair that tastefully shows off your masculinity, and surprise me with some baby-smooth skin I can run my hands across.” -- Stella

“Hair on a guy represents his manly side (in my opinion) but too much hair makes the guy look like a Neanderthal.” -- Samantha

“Just keep a clean face and you’re golden.” -- Natalia


Photo: @iStockphoto.com/ranplett

Ah, summer, at last: surfboards and swizzle sticks, swimmies and softball mitts … and skin that’s so burned, dry or broken out, you can forget about shaving. To avoid the latter -- yep, it’s avoidable -- we sought advice from two pros who’ve seen more than their fair share of damaged dermis. And if you, like us, insist on doing everything bad for you anyway, we’ve got recovery strategies so you can soon return to your favorite summertime activities -- and regular shaving regimen -- without having added years to your face.

Prevention, Prevention, Prevention
As the owner of the Alma G. Salon in Manhattan -- a favorite of celebs, including Ashton Kutcher and freshman “American Idol” judge Steven Tyler -- Alma G. is a firm believer in preventive measures to keep your skin in tip-top shape. Wearing sunblock is foremost among her precautions. “I recommend SPF 30 for your face and 15 or higher for everywhere else,” she says. “Apply it 15 to 20 minutes before you go outside to let it fully soak in. If you’re engaging in activities where you’re sweating a lot, reapply a couple of times during the day.”

Daniela Pranjic, spa manager of the Paradisus Punta Cana and the Paradisus Palma Real resorts in the Dominican Republic, encounters many guests who -- having been pent up all winter in North America -- zip off to the Caribbean for a quick dose of sun and sand only to come back looking like a roast. “You need to take it easy, especially in those first few days,” says Pranjic. Before you jeer at those clueless vacationers, note that the same applies to the early days of summer, wherever you live. To prepare for your first big spate of outdoor activities, Pranjic recommends drinking lots of water and juices. Clothing-wise, a hat and sunglasses are a must, and she also suggests UV-protective shirts.

Can’t wait to hit the pool? Go for it, but note that chlorine can deliver a one-two punch: stripping away your sunscreen and drying out your skin. To deal with the latter, just remember to re-lube after getting out of the water. You won’t need sunblock for a nighttime dip, but you might consider rubbing on some baby oil, which will repel the chlorine from your skin and thus keep it from drying out. And though chlorine kills germs in the water -- a good thing -- it’s not so good for your face. “It will make you more prone to blackheads and whiteheads,” says Alma G., “so it’s important to exfoliate after you’ve been in the pool.”

If chlorine is killing your complexion no matter what precautions you take, try going for a dip in the ocean instead. Although it’s still important to wear sunscreen, saltwater can work wonders for the skin. “It acts like a scrub and dries out irritations,” says Alma G. Surprisingly, blowing sand can also have benefits, acting as an exfoliant. But if you’re going to spend an extended period of time exposed to this ocean-side loofa, make sure to slather on a good moisturizer before and after, lest your skin become raw.

… and Recovery
OK, so you got carried away frolicking in the ocean with your summer crush and forgot to reapply your sunblock. And now you’ve turned a disturbing shade of fuchsia. Not to worry: Alma G. has a host of home remedies in her arsenal to soothe and rehydrate burning skin. Capsules of vitamin E, split open and gently spread over the affected areas, will expedite the healing process, as will aloe vera or olive oil. A slightly more time-consuming treatment Alma G. swears by is mixing whole milk and sweet apples in a blender to create a masque for the burned areas. Whatever you do, avoid the temptation to yank off the peeling skin that will inevitably appear a few days after your ill-fated rendezvous with the sun -- the new skin underneath will be extremely vulnerable, especially on your face. We know that’s a tall order, but find some bubble wrap to pop instead and leave your poor skin alone.

Photo: @iStockphoto.com/kzenonkzenon

If you ask 10 different people how to avoid razor bumps, you’ll probably get 10 different answers. And you know what? All 10 solutions may be effective -- for them -- but not for you! So how do we get a more consistent solution to what seems to be an everyday challenge for most men? We start before the shave.

That’s right. Long before you even pick up the razor, there are three basic points that must be understood:

1. How your beard grows (the angles)

2. What direction your beard grows in

3. How to control your beard growth in order to prevent ingrown hairs

No. 1: Understand how your beard grows.
The way your beard grows can determine where, how often and even how long a razor bump (otherwise known as an ingrown hair) will stay on your face.

Check out the above illustrations. Most men who suffer from ingrown hairs have curly or wavy beards that grow at angles very low to the skin (0 to 45 degrees). Why does that matter? Because these beard types have the tendency to curl into the skin instead of straight out of the follicle.

This valuable piece of information should help you to understand why it’s important to shave with the grain of the beard -- not against it -- and also why it’s important not to shave your beard too close to the skin. Let’s continue.

No. 2: Learn what direction your beard grows in.
The best way to know what direction is “with” or “against” the grain is to study your own beard’s growth pattern. Allow your beard to grow for three to five days so you can take note of what directions the hairs grow in. Once this is understood, make a mental note or, even better, draw an illustration of the directions on paper as a reference guide.

Armed with this knowledge, you can now reduce the frequency in which each hair is shaved against the grain. The less the beard is shaved against the grain and the more the beard is prepped for shaving, the better the face will look and feel.

No. 3: Control your beard.
African-American men who are susceptible to getting razor bumps should avoid shaving against the grain at all times. Shaving against the grain cuts the hairs so close that they fall below the skin line. And, as you can see from those illustrations, once your hairs fall below that line, they’re going to have a difficult time growing out of the skin.

So if you want to get a close shave and significantly reduce the possibility of razor bumps, keep your beard hair slightly above the skin line. And again, the most effective way to achieve this on a consistent basis is to shave with the grain. The only possible drawback to this method is an earlier 5 o’clock shadow. In my opinion, however, a shadow without razor bumps means a man with better-looking skin and greater confidence!

So there you have it. Three principles that will change the way you approach shaving, and, in the process, change the way you feel about yourself. And that, my friend, is priceless. Happy shaving!

Do you start your workday looking as freshly scrubbed as Twilight’s Taylor Lautner … and by late afternoon look more like the wolf his character becomes?

For some men, keeping a clean-shaven look throughout the day feels like a losing battle. But bringing your home-shaving routine to the office is not always the easiest (or the most mannerly) thing to do.

So how’s a guy with a 5 o’clock shadow by lunchtime supposed to strike down the stubble? We’ve got several tips:

Give yourself a better shave in the morning.

Do so in the shower to banish any sign of whiskers. For the closest-possible trim, experts recommend a blade that you replace regularly instead of an electric razor.

Stage a second shave.

If you have a gym near the office, hit the weights on your lunch break and then the showers -- this will give you a chance for a second shave during the day. Unless you really are a wolf man, this preemptive attack should last you till well after closing time.

Keep a Dopp kit at your desk.

Include your razor, shaving cream and fresh blades in the kit. Like the spare dress shirt, tie and blazer you have hanging on the back of your office door, the workplace razor can be a lifesaver.

That said, you don’t want to make a habit of shaving in the washroom. For example, do you really want your boss to think you’ve got nothing better to do than groom yourself on company time? Nonetheless, there will be occasions when you have little choice. So if your beard is blooming, arrange to shave at a time when it will not inconvenience others who use the same facilities. Ideally, schedule your shaving session for when the boss has left for lunch or an off-site meeting. Either way, keep it quick, and clean the sink of any shaving residue once you’re done.

Yes, with a little bit of forethought, even the most hirsute among us can remain within a hair’s breadth of being clean-shaven -- the whole day through.